I don't know what's wrong with her. She brought me up as a Reform Jew, dammit. (UK Reform, closer to US Conservative.) I've ended up in a Liberal community and she's ended up in a Masorti one, but that's largely through chance (with her, through marriage; with me, it's the only Progressive community in my city, and it suits me nicely).
She's coped with my wearing a kippa [skullcap]. She flapped for a bit, but then she went and bought me one - and took it back after she described it and I pointed out that I know I said small, but I am not wearing a multicoloured children's one with the Hebrew alphabet jauntily printed on it. Now a new problem has come up. We're going to Jerusalem for my cousin's wedding next month, and are discussing what we shall do there.
Me: Actually, there was something I wanted to do. Er. You're not going to like this.
Mother: What?
Me: I'd like to find a tallit [Jewish prayer shawl, usually made from wool or silk, and since I'm vegan it's going to be tricky finding a suitable one].
Mother: *squawks so much they can probably hear her in Aberdeen*
Me: No, really.
Mother: You'll be telling me you want to do drugs next!
Me: How on earth is wearing a tallit anywhere near doing drugs?
Mother: I don't hold with women wearing talitot, it's penis envy.
Me: Look, it's a rectangle of cloth, what's it got to do with a penis?
Mother: Well, maybe it goes over a penis.
Me: Oh come on!
Mother: *mutters darkly*
Me: Yes?
Mother: Or you'll get the fringes in your eye or something...
Me: I wasn't going to wear it on my head!
Mother: I can't stand seeing women dressed in those things.
Me: You're not going to, we live 400 miles apart, I'll be wearing it in my own community, and half the women here wear kippot or talitot or both.
Mother: Well, find yourself one where you are then [I live in Edinburgh. There are 774 Jews here].
Me (patiently): They're made in Israel.
Mother: As long as you don't start laying tefillin. I'd rather you just got laid.
I can't remember the rest, but the conversation got crazier and crazier. Hopefully she'll come round, after all she was squawking "penis envy" when I first mentioned wearing a kippa (which is a small round object worn on the head. Yes, I can see how that's phallic, absolutely), and it means having fun with lovely fabrics. Has anyone else gone through this?
Incidentally, for those women who wear kippot and have long hair, how do you arrange your hair?
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June 6 2005, 18:27:15 UTC 6 years ago
In Catholic churches, especially older, more traditional parishes you might see women covering their heads with a lace thing called a mantilla. I've only worn one twice - both to funerals. But it's a good idea for a women to wear one in larger cathedrals and basilicas. shows reverence.
Men are merely expected to take off any hats.
In places where mantillas are uncommon women's hats might not be, and women are allowed to wear hats in doors as long as the hats were clearly designed for women (baseball caps are not appropriate for either gender).
But this is all tradition which is just one step to the side of fashion. I rarely cover my head with anything other than my sunglasses.
June 6 2005, 18:29:17 UTC 6 years ago
June 6 2005, 19:06:04 UTC 6 years ago
I think pants on women is still frowned on at St Peter's Basilica, but I'm not totally sure.
But I know my mom and many other people would frown if a man attended mass wearing a mantilla.
June 6 2005, 19:10:15 UTC 6 years ago
June 6 2005, 19:39:01 UTC 6 years ago
When women wear the things men usually lay claim to, the knee-jerk traditional response is we're laying claim to things (duties, powers) that aren't ours. Thus we obviously envy manhood.
when men wear that which is traditionally feminine the knee-jerk reception is that they're giving something up, becoming less men and all that entails.
I *heart* gender politics as seen on staged productions like Carol Churchill's Cloud Nine. Or else consider Robert (The Cure) Smith and how my dad *still* insists he's gay because he wears make up. Nevermind he clearly does it for the chicks....
6 years ago
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June 6 2005, 18:45:57 UTC 6 years ago
Here are a couple of pictures from when we got our torah scroll in September.
Here you can see Mark, the sofer [scribe who repaired our scroll for us], carrying the scroll and wearing a classic black and white tallit in a style some men wear which involves putting it on like a shawl, then throwing the front corners back over the shoulder. Ricky and Stewart may also be glimpsed wearing talitot, I don't think Hannah was wearing one. The pipers didn't (you can tell we're in Scotland!), but they did wear kippot in honour of the occasion. The scroll is being carried in under a makeshift chupah [wedding canopy], concocted from a tallit on four poles.
And here we have the sofer again, together with the oldest and youngest members of the community ["youngest" in this instance means the most recent bar mitzvah boy, the actual youngest was about 5 months at this point], who each filled in one of the last two letters of the scroll. Daniel is wearing a rather nice tallit which has a Jerusalem design in blue, draped shawl-fashion, and Ida (whose age was a state secret until the local press mentioned in their report of this that she is 89, which gave us the excuse to celebrate her 90th in style) has borrowed a lovely feministy tallit from Rebekah in pinks and purples which has the names of one of each of the four matriarchs on each corner. All three are wearing kippot.
June 6 2005, 19:06:52 UTC 6 years ago
June 6 2005, 19:16:22 UTC 6 years ago
Isn't it funny the way religious garments get gendered?
I'm snorting with laughter at the idea of a man praying in a mantilla. You should see some of the hats married women wear in Orthodox communities.
I couldn't resist showing off my lovely community. You can see more pictures of talitot if you just put "tallit" or "tallis" into Google.
Trousers are worn by women in Progressive (Conservative, Reform, Liberal) synagogues, but frowned upon in Orthodox ones.
June 6 2005, 19:50:37 UTC 6 years ago
The priest's robes are usually called cassocks, and I think cassock is French for dress. }:> But I dont' trust language to dictate these things because it'll be something different in another language and follow a different gender structure.
And your amusement at the idea of a man in a lacey headcovering kind of furthers my point. It doesn't have so much to do with Church but...
I mean a woman gets married in a trouser suit and she is considered brash and daring, perhaps embarassingly so (my mother would be embarassed, I would cheer on such a bold step). A man who wears things women normally wear is either kidding (Holloween, Jack Lemmon in Some Like it Hot) or is taking a personal stand - a stand that is still a huge challenge to some of the most advanced societies on earth. Even by progressives like us transvestites make us wonder: if they're gay, if they're transexual, if it's just when they're out at the club.... Most of us, or maybe it's just me, accept the moment and just assume that it was a style choice that is working for today and tomorrow will work itself out.
I'm not poking fun at you, it's just a subject that I spend way too much time thinking about. If you like, pick up a copy or try to catch a production of Carol Churchill's Cloud Nine.
take care
6 years ago
June 6 2005, 18:28:09 UTC 6 years ago
June 6 2005, 18:29:55 UTC 6 years ago
June 6 2005, 18:49:16 UTC 6 years ago
June 6 2005, 18:54:38 UTC 6 years ago
My religious group did prayer shawls as a project, I'm a vegan and other members have allergies to wool so we were really careful when picking materials.
June 6 2005, 19:00:25 UTC 6 years ago
There are vegan ones around, but few that are definite. There are a few which may be but I can't tell (e.g. organza of unknown composition). The only cotton ones I've found are plain and ludicrously expensive, and I don't like the look of most of the acrylic ones I've seen, they tend to be horrid shiny things. Most of the tallit makers seem to be in Jerusalem, so it would be an ideal time to go tallit-shopping.
June 6 2005, 21:03:16 UTC 6 years ago
June 6 2005, 18:46:23 UTC 6 years ago
June 6 2005, 18:50:02 UTC 6 years ago
June 7 2005, 00:22:43 UTC 6 years ago
I wish you luck in your search for a vegan tallit. (The one that Ida is wearing in the photo looks and sounds so, so amazing.) I haven't had the same sort of issue, although I have been told that wearing pants was inappropriate for me. I guess God wants to see my gams.
June 7 2005, 01:04:29 UTC 6 years ago
You can see the matriarch tallit here, and the one Daniel's wearing is further down the page. There are some amazing talitot out there.
Does anyone know what polished cotton is? I'm looking at scarves on eBay (well, it saves hemming and trying to do fringeing, though of course I'll make tsitsit for the corners if I make a tallit, and probably have fun with applique or embroidery or what have you), and I'm eyeing up this one in polished cotton, whatever that is (I've a nasty feeling it's chintz, in which case ewww, which is a pity since it looks rather suitable), and this one in either cream or white, depending on the weight (don't want to end up in something roasting hot, I'd far rather have cotton). Opinions, anyone? Are there any decent seamstresses on this list?
I just read that as "I have been told that wearing plants was inappropriate for me". Oh the visions that produces...
June 7 2005, 01:29:43 UTC 6 years ago
I looked it up, and found this definition of polished cotton: "Polished Cotton is either a satin weave cotton or a plain weave cotton that is finished chemically to appear shiny," which is what I thought. Further looking-about seems to confirm my feeling that polished cotton is distinct from chintz--for one thing, chintz should be a bit stiff, and polished cotton a bit more "flowy." So you're probably okay with polished cotton.
Wow. I just spent way too much time on google.
June 7 2005, 01:57:46 UTC 6 years ago
those men who are wearing suits and wool talitot survive being in synagogue
all day on Yom Kippur, they must absolutely roast. Providing it's not horribly shiny, the scarf looks absolutely ideal, I must say. I'm pondering whether or not to mess around with adding stripes and so forth if I do get it, but I'm sure that would be easier to work out once it was actually here. I don't mind the fringe being a bit shiny, they often are (I should know, I spent enough of my time in synagogue as a child plaiting the fringe on my father's tallit). She said that the fringe "feels very silky and soft, almost like cornsilk" [having only encountered cornsilk as an ingredient in cosmetics, I haven't a clue what that means] "but is the same thread and fabric as the rest of the wrap."
There's a page on how to make a tallit here. Instructions on how to tie the tsitsit [corner tassels, the whole point of the thing] are here, and incidentally that woman makes the most stunning talitot. I'm getting rather excited about this now!
6 years ago
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June 7 2005, 02:11:54 UTC 6 years ago
June 7 2005, 00:52:20 UTC 6 years ago
There was a wonderful article in Bitch Magazine a few issues back, written by a female rabbinical student living in Israel. The whole article starts with her accidentally wearing her tallit and kippa down to the corner store, which she usually doesn't do. This one encounter sparks a review of her clothing choices in and out of school, home, etc. I enjoyed that article very much... I wish I could remember the title. Anyone?
June 7 2005, 16:24:04 UTC 6 years ago
July 15 2005, 21:44:00 UTC 6 years ago
Not too warm
There have been times in air conditioned shuls that I've been very glad for my wool tallis! They aren't that heavy, actually (depending). I wore a wool one through summer camp outdoor/indoor (no ac) davening and was mostly fine. I think it's a great idea to make your own tallit though. I've seen some really beautiful ones. I'm not sure if there is any halachic consideration though, about using a garment/fabric that has previously been secular (I don't think that for me that would be an issue anyway, but just throwing it out there).Another thing to remember is that in the Ashkenazi community, it is only very recently that unmarried men have begun wearing tallitot (gdolot, that go outside of the clothes), and in the traditional world it is still not generally done. So really, you're only envious of married penises.. (j/k)
Also, the whole tallit thing, well, there is no religious obligation (for men) to wear them. The obligation is to put fringes on any four cornered garment you wear. It became traditional for men to go out of their way (in a very contrived way) to wear four cornered garments so that they could wear talleisim. It became a tradition for men because they found it religiously fulfilling, which is also why so many women are wearing them now. It's the height of hypocrisy for people to complain about this, imho.